real genius and Apple-assholery to boot

After speaking to the real genius at the Apple store, I didn’t have much hope, but decided to call one more time in the afternoon.

“I want an iMac 17inch 2.0GHz, but with an upgrade to 2GB memory… can you do the memory upgrade and have it waiting for me to pick up at 8:00 tonight?” I asked.

He replied (approximately): “Oh no, that would violate the sanctity of the holy packaging of Apple, as set forth by the One True Jobs, if you were not to pay for the glorious iMac (you deadbeat!)”

Understandable, I guess, so I decided to waste my evening at the mall while they prepared this present for my loving wife. After fighting traffic and finding a parking space (which would provide the least likelyhood of me being mugged while transporting the equivalent of $1,500 through a dark parking lot), I made my way into the sanitized whiteness of the Atlanta Perimeter Apple Store.

Bypassing the displays, I walked to the counter, where other customers were concluding their purchases. The cashier gave me that head-jerk eye roll thing that seemed to say “step right up the bar, pardner” so I placed my order:

“I want an iMac 17inch 2.0GHz, with a…”

“Uh,” she interupted, “let me finish helping this customer.”

Apparently, the head jerk was more of a “hiya, be with you momentarily” kind of nod.

Never fear, the next cashier was promptly available. Her name tag said “Melba”. (insert toast joke here)

“I want an iMac 17inch 2.0GHz, with a…”

“Uh,” she interupted, “I’ll have to get …”

Now it dawned on me that cashiers at an Apple Store don’t actually sell anything, they only close the deal. So I would have to wait for a real Apple Genius.

After a couple minutes, the cashier hooked me up with another salesdroid. He certainly didn’t look like a genius, with curly red hair and an elongated thumbnail painted purple. I don’t know if the thumbnail was some kind of Mac thing, like an elongated pinky nail for snorting cocaine, but I’m sure a Gooogle search will turn up an answer.

“I want an iMac 17inch 2.0GHz, with the 2GB memory upgrade”

“Oh yeah, what kinda stuff are you going to use it for?” he asked as he hustled me over to the iMac display.

“It’s for my wife,” I replied. “Just Internet stuff, and probably some photo and video.”

“Wow,” he said, “I’m a creative.”

I looked down to his t-shirt that had the word “creative” printed below the collar. That’s when I knew I was in trouble.

“I haven’t even seen these new machines, I’m always in the studio teaching classes…”

Thus begain the dance. He made a trip to the back of the store. He came back, looked at the iMac display one more time, and I convinced him that yes I really wanted the 2GB. He made another trip to the back of the store, and returned.

“You see,” he said, “to upgrade the memory we have to take out the two 512MB chips. Then we have to put in two 1GB chips.”

His skills in mathematics were winning me over.

“And those two 1GB chips will cost you six hundred dollars. But I would be happy to facilitate an online order where the memory will cost only $175.”

At this point I was ready to lose it, and for some reason the word facilitate made it much worse.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said. “Do you realize I called this store twice today asking about this memory upgrade and nobody mentined any extra cost?”

“Oh really, what did they say?” the creative asked.

“Forget it,” I fumed and walked out the store, back to my car. Good thing I had my iPod® to entertain me in the horrible traffic back home.

5 Responses to “real genius and Apple-assholery to boot”

  1. Amber says:

    Wait, maybe I don’t understand the cause of your ire… obviously if you want a memory upgrade it’s going to cost more. Maybe not $600 more, but… RAM ain’t free! Right?

  2. pat says:

    The cost I was expecting was $175 for the extra RAM (per the online store)

  3. Jeff Tidwell says:

    OK – the whole genius thing is such a set up to begin with – but at least your wife will get the extreme pleasure of watching that rainbow spinning icon twirl while waiting for the system to catch up to all that hip processing.

  4. Rusty says:

    I’ve also had poor experiences with the Apple store. Online is definitely the way to go.

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